There was once this boy
And I kinda liked him
And by “kinda liked him” I mean I was completely, hopelessly, madly in love with him
We were pretty close
And sometimes it almost seems like he might like me too
But I was never his priority
Once, we were supposed to meet up
He said he’ll be there in 10 minutes
And I waited, and I waited, and I waited some more
And half an hour later he still wasn’t there
And he didn’t pick up my calls
And I was angry but when I saw him an hour later
He looked so sad, he said “I’m sorry” and I knew he meant it
But he didn’t even have to apologize, because the minute I saw him, love took over and I had already forgiven him.
Some other time, we talked about maybe meeting up for dinner
He was busy at work so I texted him and asked him if I should buy something for us to eat
He didn’t reply
An hour and a half later, he finally called
He said he just finished work and now he’s on his way to meet some other friend who has invited him over for dinner
He apologized and asked if I had already bought something
And I said no, although actually I did
And I was heartbroken and I thought it was mean for him to have done that
But I couldn’t tell him that it hurt cause I knew he would feel really bad about it,
And I loved him too much to break his heart
And I wonder, if that’s how I felt about this boy…
This boy that I was completely, hopelessly, madly in love with
I mean, I would give a lot of things for him
but I wouldn’t have given him my life
I wonder how God must’ve felt
God who loves me with a steadfast love
A love so great that it led to the ultimate sacrifice
I wonder if God was heartbroken
All those times
When I chose to sleep in instead of waking up to be on time for morning prayers
When I partied all night on Saturday and decided not go to church because I was too tired
When I went to bed without saying my prayers only to remember it the next moment so I start a prayer and say “Amen” the next morning
When I wake up and tell God, I’m sorry, I promise that won’t happen again, but fall asleep the next day as well
When I said “Lord, I dedicate my life, my work to you…” and yet I complain and bicker about the things I have to do and I’m all sarcastic and bored and tired and… and… and…
Yet God loves me too much to break my heart
God doesn’t reprimand me or scold me
Or tell me that it hurts
Or get even with me
And when I apologize
God always says
“I already forgave you”
The Lord is merciful and gracious, slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love.
God will not always chide, nor will God keep God’s anger forever.
God does not deal with us according to our sins, nor repay us according to our iniquities.
For as high as the heavens are above the earth, so great is God’s steadfast love toward those who fear God;
(Psalm 103:8-11)
Great reflection. Thanks Aiko.